From This Day Forward

Tonight, Cory and I got to share our marriage story in a short video for Lifechurch.tv Stillwater. We had talked beforehand about what we would say, but sitting in those chairs with the bright lights, microphones, and video cameras, I was struck by just how blessed we are to be in this moment. Sometimes, in the process of day to day life, I forget just how much we, as one, have been broken, redeemed, and healed.

We've been married for six and a half years, and for the first three, we definitely were not "one" person. We had very different perspectives, priorities, and goals, and we discovered pretty quickly that we had very different bonds with Christ. Probably due to all the struggles in my childhood, I've always had a relationship with God that's very tangible, very real, very intimate. Cory, on the other hand, seemed to view salvation as a prayer you say once, a plea for forgiveness, or a "get out of hell free" card. When the kids and I found Lifechurch.tv Stillwater and became a part of the family, we and many others prayed diligently that he would come to know the joy of a deeper relationship with our Savior. I did all I could to be a godly wife and to hold our marriage together, and I vowed that I would do everything possible to make sure I didn't find myself divorced for a second time. Then, a little over 3 years into our marriage, all that changed when I found out that Cory had been having an affair for almost the entire time we'd been married.

I was heartbroken, angry, and hurt. For the first time in three years, I was thankful that I was spending the night away from home working at our local domestic violence shelter. I was ready to give up, ready to face failing at marriage yet again, and ready to go back to being a single mom of three kids. I wanted nothing more than for Cory to pack his things and get out of my house. All my prayers, all my longing, all my hopes and dreams were shattered. My thoughts swirled as I wondered how to break it to the kids, how I would manage two visitation schedules, how I would be able to pick up the pieces and go on when I felt like such a failure. I poured my heart out to my best friend, my Jesus, and waited for his comfort and validation to take over.

But comfort and validation never came. Instead of telling me I had failed and that He would give me strength, God told me that His ways are not my ways, and that divorce was not in His plan. I had been praying for my husband to see Christ the way I see him, and this was my chance to show just how committed I was to making that happen. I had to forgive my husband. If I wanted him to know what it truly means to be saved, redeemed, and forgiven by God, I had to show him myself, mirroring the love and forgiveness of Christ. Instead of walking away, I had to stay,

For the next year and a half, I fought my urge to leave and watched as God worked miracles in my husband's heart and soul. Every time Cory asked me about a Bible verse, told me about hearing God's voice, and took baby steps toward Christ, I questioned God. Was he doing this just to keep me from leaving, or was it genuine? Would this new-found faith keep growing, or would it shrivel and die before it ever really bloomed? Would our marriage really be transformed, or was this all an act? Would my faithfulness pay off, or would I end up heartbroken yet again? Oddly enough, God didn't give me any reassurance about the sincerity of my husband's changes. Every time I questioned, the answer was the same: "It doesn't matter. Your forgiveness can't be dependent on his sincerity." So I kept forgiving and tried to trust. Cory began going to LifeGroup with me, then started joining me at church. Nine months after I caught my husband in an affair, I sat next to him and prayed with him as he committed his life to Christ fully - all in, holding nothing back. Six months later, I knew his devotion was real when he stood in the pool for everyone to see and our children baptized him as our family, church staff, and friends rejoiced, cheered, and cried.

Now, three years after we almost gave up, we get to sit in front of a camera and tell others how we seek God together, pray together, read the Bible together, and serve our Number One together. We are redeemed, restored, and renewed, and our marriage is stronger than I ever could have imagined. Our children know how much we love each other, how much we love them, and how we love God above all, and they join us in prayers, Bible studies, and in serving God and others. As always, the Bible says it best: Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. Psalm 126:5