New Year, New Word

It's a new year, and that means I have a new word and verse/passage to focus on. I've been doing this for several years now (click the links for each year's blog entry), and each time I've seen God work through that word all year. In 2013, my word was MORE, and the year gave me so much more than I could have handled on my own - I had to rely on God to provide immeasurably more strength, courage, and fortitude than I had myself. 2014 was the year of ENOUGH. I was struggling, and I had to remember that his grace is enough for me, and his power is made perfect in my weakness. I didn't blog about my word (or much of anything) in 2015, but it was REVIVAL. As I reflect on the year, I can see that it has been a year of true revival for me. My mind is reviving as I complete my college courses. My soul is reviving with a return to church. My body is reviving with (very slow) weight loss and healthier eating and exercise habits. My mood is reviving with my return to social outings. My confidence is reviving with my Mary Kay business and all the beautiful women it has brought into my life. When I am receptive to the word God wants me to focus on for the year, he reveals the reasons for that word, and I grow. I've been thinking and praying about my word for 2016 for about a week now, and today, God showed me exactly what word I need to focus on: RANSOMED. While I have one word, I have a Bible passage rather than a single verse. This is one of my very favorite passages, and I have taken out references to Israel and replaced them with my own name to help me visualize how the Bible uses the nation of Israel as a metaphor for all of us. I've also replaced references to other nations with Jesus, since he is the sacrifice that atoned for our sins:
But now, [Meredith], listen to the Lord who created you. O [daughter], the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave [Jesus] as a ransom for your freedom; I gave [my own son] in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded [His] (life) for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

 ~ Isaiah 43:1-4

OK, so I know it seems like an obvious choice, since it is tattooed on my arm, but it really wasn't. I had four potential words when I first began the process, and ransomed wasn't one of them. In the end, each one of those four words are wrapped up in this one. Isn't God amazing?

The front-runner of potential words, from the start, was forward. I feel like my year of revival has been only the beginning and I must keep moving forward. After all, Jesus gave his life to purchase me from bondage, so shouldn't I honor that sacrifice by striving daily for forward progress?

Worth was another word on my short list. I've struggled lately with feeling worthless, replaceable, unremarkable. My self-worth has been taking a beating, and I'm constantly reminding myself that Jesus paid a very high price for me. He gave me value when he paid my ransom, and I can honor that by not devaluing myself with negative self-talk or actions.

The third word I considered was cherished. My life has been full of people who've abandoned me or died, or who haven't appeared to care about me even though they should have. In contrast to my bio-dad, who constantly disappears and reappears in my life, my Heavenly Dad has stayed by my side and on my side. He cherishes me, purifies me, strengthens me, and never condemns me. I may never have Fred's approval, but God is proud of me. The ransom Jesus paid for me ensures that Holy Spirit is my constant companion and guide, because I am cherished by the Father of everything.

Finally, I wondered if my word might be free. The last couple of years as I have grieved and recovered from a relapse of PTSD, I haven't felt free. I've been ashamed of the insecurities and pain I'm feeling, and as a result, I've hidden parts of myself. As I'm coming out of the fog, I'm realizing that I've allowed my shame and guilt to hide what God has done for me in my seasons of weakness, sin, and pain. He gave his life for me! Why am I not shouting from the rooftops that he has once again revived my soul? Why am I allowing myself to be a slave to guilt and shame when he has wiped all of that away with his blood? He bought me for a price - not to own me, or shame me, or punish me, but to set me free. 

As you can see, each of those words led me in the same direction. The only reason I can feel cherished and free, or keep moving forward, the only reason I have worth and value: because Jesus RANSOMED me. He paid the ultimate price for me, in spite of my scars, wounds, and defilement. I can't wait to see how he uses my word for his glory this year!