In our house, we measure pain on a scale of one to ten. Migraine pain, back pain, headache pain, belly pain...you name it, and you better be able to give it a number. When our good family friends had a bad car accident and we had an extra son for a week or so, he made the question into a joke since it wasn't something he had ever been asked and we did have to ask him that A LOT to determine what meds he needed. Numbering our pain allows us to know when medications are needed and what kind, as well as when to be concerned or call the doctor. It also gives the person in pain some perspective on what they're feeling. When we give our pain a number, we stop focusing on how much it hurts and define limits for controlling it.
Since I get migraines often, my husband (and my kids!) have gotten really good at knowing when I have one. Apparently they can see it in my eyes, which is really frustrating for me. There are many days when I'd rather just lie and say my head doesn't hurt, simply because I get so tired of having a headache all the time. I figure if I don't tell anyone, then it doesn't count. If I can hide the pain, then I don't really have a migraine and I'm perfectly normal. Of course, that doesn't work for very long - eventually, the pain escalates, and my body taps out. Before I know it, I've gone from a manageable 3 to a miserable 7, all because I didn't want to admit that I was hurting. Since I'm so stubborn, my family has learned to stop asking me if I have a headache when they can see the pain in my eyes, and instead they ask, "What's your number?" With that one little question, they make it clear to me that they know I'm hurting and they want to help. It's like giving me permission to be in pain and to share it with them instead of holding onto it alone.
So what if we asked "What's your number?" more often? What if, instead of just applying the question to physical pain, we also applied it to emotional pain? What if those numbers came with treatments and limits, just like our physical pain numbers? Our emotional pain is so much easier to hide, so much easier to ignore....and so much more destructive when left untreated. Even the physical signs of emotional pain are easy to ignore - we can say we're tired, or sick, or hungry, or any number of other excuses to hide the fact that our emotional pain level is so high that it's affecting us physically. We don't want to burden others with our problems, so we stuff it down and put on a smile while we die a little inside. Our hearts are crying out for someone to see, someone to care, someone to realize that we need comfort, restoration, sympathy, affection, love.
Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 1 John 3:18
Who can you show the truth to today, just by asking that one little question..."What's your number?"
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