Dallas Alic "Shorty" Standridge

Dallas Alic “Shorty” Standridge, 84, went to be with his heavenly father on October 18, 2013. He was born on April 9, 1929 in Ralston, OK. Shorty married the love of his life, Blanche Virginia Beyl, on October 15, 1954, and together they shepherded and loved five children, ten grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. He was ordained a deacon at Gilcrease Baptist Church in Tulsa, OK. Later in life he could be found at the north doors of Olivet Baptist Church every week, greeting all who entered with a smile and handshake. He was blessed to be able to welcome worshipers even after he began to be affected by Alzheimer's, up until about 6 weeks before his death. Shorty extended the love of Jesus to everyone he met and was a wonderful spiritual leader to his family. Everyone who knew him was touched by his warm smile, his sense of humor, and his ornery side. At Christmas, he enjoyed telling the story of his 'penny sucker' each year, and his children and grandchildren never failed to make sure he had a bag of suckers to share with everyone. When he was a child, his father and uncle had only three pennies between the two of them to provide Christmas gifts for their children. Because three of the children were old enough to understand the significance of gifts, the brothers pooled their pennies and purchased one penny sucker for each of the three so that they would not have to go without. Shorty used that experience as a lesson to always be thankful for what you have, even if it is only a 'penny sucker'.

Shorty will be greatly missed by his family and friends. He leaves behind his wife, Virginia, of the home, his children: Ann Brunken, of Maramec, Dee Lancaster and her husband Bobby, of Tulsa, Shorty Wayne Standridge, of Tulsa, Kay Imhoff and her husband Merle of Tulsa, and Meredith Beyl Been and her husband Cory, of Stillwater. He is also survived by his grandchildren: Richard Sanders and Cherie Johnson, of Terlton, Daniel Lancaster, of Tulsa, John Sanders, of Pawnee, Lacie Lancaster and her husband Brady Bonner, of Tulsa, Danielle Imhoff, of Tulsa, Morgan Been, of Stillwater, and KayLynn and Aaron Creager, of Stillwater, as well as three great-grandchildren: Charlene, Samantha, and Cody Johnson, of Terlton, two sisters, Bonnie and Lois Standridge of Mannford, and many friends and extended family members. Shorty was preceded in death by his 

parents, one sister, one brother, and one nephew. He worked for Rockwell International for 26 years and was an active member of the UAW for 50 years.

The family will be at Olivet Baptist Church in Tulsa on Tuesday, October 22, from 1-2pm, to welcome all who would like to share memories or express condolences, and his funeral service will follow graveside at Oak Hill Cemetery in Mannford at 3:30pm. Mannford Funeral Home is handling the arrangements. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Alzheimer's Association in Shorty's honor.

Day 3 - ADHD and Fever

I realize it's actually day five, but I missed the last two days (thank you, my thorn in the flesh) and something in my brain just won't let me skip to match the date. Sooooo.....day three it is!
This morning, my amazingly wonderful hubby had to drive KayLynn & Aaron's dad's house to pick up KayLynn. She had texted me several times through the night and early morning to tell me how awful she felt and how sick she was. Now, if this had been EITHER of my other two kids, I would have sympathized but not worried - they both inherited my allergy problems, so congestion, drainage, and even puking are pretty normal for the three of us. KayLynn, however, manged to avoid that gene. I honestly think I could count on one hand the number of times she's been legitimately sick, and since she's 14, that's pretty impressive. When she was little, my best friend Jenn and I used to joke that our ADHD children were the healthiest kids we knew because the germs just couldn't catch them. Seriously. Everyone else in the house could be miserable with the flu, and KayLynn would still be bouncing off the walls, talking, singing, laughing, playing, and getting in to everything. As she's gotten older, that's been VERY helpful, since she can put all that energy to good use helping to take care of the rest of us.

Oddly enough, though, when KayLynn does get sick, it doesn't affect her the same way it would any of us. If she has a fever, she's amazingly normal. Calm, coherent, focused, and she'll even sleep (a little) without medication. The first time she ever had the flu, I knew that she was sick when she remained lying down on the Dr's office waiting room couch for the full ten minutes we waited, then walked calmly back with me. If you have a child with ADHD, you know how remarkable that is! It was such a strange thing to watch - when the ibuprofen/tylenol I gave her brought the fever down, she was just as energetic as ever, despite her body's obvious cues that she needed rest. As the fever rose, she became calmer, more focused, less whiny, and was able to give her body the rest it needed. At that time, her pediatrician told me that fever itself is not bad for her, as long as it's not too high, so he suggested I just keep her well hydrated and resting, and only give her medication to lower the fever if it rose above 101. DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, nor am I vouching for this advice for everyone. But it did (and still does) work for us. Now that she is older, we let her help set the tone of when to take Tylenol or ibuprofen, and she generally will choose not to take it unless her 'feeling bad' hits a certain threshold. We have learned that she seems to recover from viruses more quickly than the rest of us, as long as she takes a full day or two to actually rest - and sometimes that means letting her remain unmedicated while she's feverish, then ensuring she is properly medicated (with her Concerta and her Clonidine for sleep) after that, to make it possible for us to monitor her activity and make sure she rests. Once the fever is gone, she becomes her usual bouncy self, so the Concerta is vital to allowing us to be successful at getting her to rest. We can get her started on a good book, and anime show, a computer game, or something similar, and then she is more than willing to drink more fluids, eat like she needs to , and REST her body as her brain remains engaged. Sure, one of us needs to stay with her, even though she's old enough to stay alone. If we didn't keep her focused on caring for herself, she'd forget to take medication when she needs it, forget to drink to stay hydrated, forget to eat, and even get distracted and decide to act out a game or start dancing, without remembering that she's sick, until she passes out or suddenly throws up. According to this story in ADDitude magazine, http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/4/5192.html, I am not alone!! And this isn't the only article I found discussing this issue. It seems that fever may, in fact, impact the ADHD brain in a positive way - allowing the ADHD symptoms to subside or decrease while the fever is present. I'm praying for scientific research on this soon - if we can figure out WHY our kids' brains are different when they have a fever, maybe we can find a way to pinpoint a new treatment. How exciting would that be?!?

Day Two - Babies, babies, babies!

We've all heard about birth plans, right? In our medically advanced country, we are encouraged to choose our childbirth style within days of discovering that a fetus is growing in our bellies. Natural childbirth? Scheduled C-Section? VBAC? Epidural? Hospital birth or home birth? Doctor, midwife, doula? Water birth? If you're already a mother, will your kids get to watch? What about your family and friends? Will you film the birth? Take pictures? If it's a boy, will you circumcise him? What about immunizations? Will you breastfeed and for how long? The options are endless. What we don't usually imagine, however, is seeing our newborn baby on oxygen.

Approximately 10% of newborns require assistance to begin breathing at birth. While most infants begin breathing very quickly, a condition called birth asphyxia occurs when a baby's brain and other organs do not get enough oxygen before, during, or right after birth. Birth asphyxia occurs in about four out of every 1,000 full term births, more frequently in preterm births, and can have many causes - umbilical cord problems, the mother's blood pressure, or a very long or difficult delivery, to name a few. Until recently, this would have had no relevance at all when discussing ADHD. In December of 2012, however, a Kaiser Permanente study revealed that birth asphyxia is associated with a 26% greater risk of developing ADHD, regardless of race or ethnicity. This is a HUGE breakthrough for me personally! For years, I've wondered if this had ever been studied. My KayLynn, whose ADHD is severe, had a difficult birth and was on oxygen for about an hour after delivery. From the day she was born, I knew there was something different about her, and she has always been my most demanding, difficult, impulsive, and unpredictable child. She climbed before she walked, rarely slept more than four hours at a time even as a toddler, and never seemed to slow down. She was diagnosed with ADHD a few months before she turned four, which is practically unheard of, and yet no one who knows her would deny that the diagnosis is accurate. While I am sure that her difficult birth is not the cause of her condition, I am also sure that the amount of time her brain was deprived of oxygen did contribute to its severity. No birth plan could have changed that or predicted the crazy wonderfulness that is our life now.
Just like seeing our sweet baby on oxygen is something we don't want to imagine, domestic violence during pregnancy is a sight we wish we could ignore. Unfortunately, one out of every six pregnant women has been a victim of intimate partner violence. Domestic violence is more common than any other health problem among pregnant women, and in many abusive relationships, pregnancy can trigger an increase in violence. As a result, many battered women do not receive adequate prenatal care. These women may be manipulated by their partners into not seeing a doctor, convinced that they don't need or don't deserve appropriate care, too frightened to seek medical attention, or  too ashamed to run the risk of a doctor discovering their situation. Domestic violence is motivated by a need for power and control, and as a result, pregnant women are reluctant to leave their partners out of fear that they will be unable to support themselves and their baby. Even if her abuser refrains from physically injuring her while she is pregnant, the victim is often subjected to financial abuse, deprived of adequate nutrition or basic needs, or berated and emotionally battered on a daily basis. The effects of domestic violence during pregnancy are heartbreaking and can have devastating effects on both mother and baby.  The number one and number two causes of women's death during pregnancy are domestic homicide and suicide (which is often tied to abuse). If you are in an abusive relationship, whether you're pregnant or not, please get help! Leaving is not easy - and neither is sharing a child with someone who has hurt you - but both are healthier and better for you AND your child than staying in a violent relationship. Take it from me, it IS possible to break the cycle and become a survivor instead of a victim!

October = Awareness, Day One!

In case you didn't know, October is the 'awareness' month for a LOT of causes, and most well-known is probably breast cancer. This month, you can find just about anything in pink, and so much has been done for breast cancer research and support because of that little pink ribbon. In my world, though, there are a couple of causes that are more near and dear to my own heart and life that also claim October as their awareness month. My goal is to share some facts or stories every day in October about these and see if I can teach you (and myself!) something new!

First, October is domestic violence awareness month. I am a survivor of domestic abuse many times over, and I was blessed to get to help others make the transition from victim to survivor when I worked for a domestic violence shelter. This month, I will share statistics and facts, maybe a personal story or two, and ways you can make a difference. Domestic violence is a very real problem in America and around the world, with very real and damaging effects on victims, families, communities, and even the economy.

Second, October is ADHD Awareness month. This is an issue that is very, very real and present for me every day, because the 13-yr-old beauty I homeschool, love, and raise is severely affected. I have learned SO much about being a good parent, an intentional parent, a creative parent, a guilt-ridden parent, an embarrassed parent, a frustrated parent, and more because I am her mom. ADHD is a real condition, with real affects on the brain, and the lives of my brilliant but misunderstood daughter and of our entire family are different, better, because of this disorder. I can't wait to see how this month unfolds and what God puts on my heart to share!!
Father, bless this month and the project I'm beginning. Give me the right quotes and studies, the right statistics, the right words of encouragement for those who read this blog. Bring me a greater understanding of both domestic violence and ADHD, and allow me to share that understanding with others so that I can shine your light of love, hope, and restoration over these issues. Thank you for leading me through these situations so that I can be your hands and feet to others who haven't yet found peace and safety. Thank you for blessing me with KayLynn and opening my eyes to the challenges and wonders that come from her mind. Thank you for trusting me to guide her and develop her, to help her grow and learn, and to shepherd her through the battles of her disease. We love you!