So that his power may rest on me...

For several months now, I've been depressed. And I don't say that lightly - I'm not just sad, or overwhelmed, or stressed, I'm flailing in the throes of a full-blown depression. And lately it seems to be obvious to those who know me well. I'm trying to fight it (and some days I'm much more successful than others), but most days, I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. It's such a strange and unsettling feeling to wake up every day and have to convince myself to actually crawl out of bed and live my life. I spend 10 minutes every single morning in a half-asleep conversation with God, asking him to remind me that I am loved, I am needed, and my life does matter, to give me strength to get through the day, and to help me find moments of joy to defeat the overwhelming hopelessness I feel.

So why am I putting this on my blog for the whole world to see? Because today is a 'good' day, and it's the first one I've had in at least a week. Today, I actually feel those moments of joy, and today, I believe that there are people in my little world who are glad I'm here. Today, my faith is stronger than my fears, and my God is compelling me to share. He's reminding me that although I am unworthy and imperfect, I'm not unloved and not alone. So today, I'm stepping out in faith. Today, I'm fighting the fear that admitting my struggles will make me seem weak or prompt others to take away the things that are most dear to me, and I'm trusting that my God's power is made perfect in my weakness. Today, I'm refusing to pretend that everything's fine, because I know that tomorrow, I may not have the strength to admit that I'm struggling. Will you pray for me?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9