Time for some PRAISES!!!!

GOD IS GOOD!! My heart has been heavy for weeks with pain for others.  In my last post, I shared a few of those burdens and asked you to join me in prayer, and I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who have been seeking God on behalf of my friends.  Your prayers are giving strength, comfort, and peace to many hurting hearts.  I do have updates on a couple of people from my last post, and I also want to take some time out of our busy, stressful lives to celebrate some awesome and praise-worthy things that fill my heavy heart with joy right now.  In the midst of all the neediness and pain, our God is good and is working, always, for the good of those who love Him, and He deserves to be exalted!

"C" and "D" from my last post are still seeking God with all their hearts and putting Him first in their marriage.  Their financial situation is improving and their family is thriving in ways that it never has before. Praise God for his restorative power!!

"E" from my last post is still in the midst of a custody battle with her abusive ex-husband, and is also searching for work.  Our God is providing for her needs and the needs of her children, and the first court hearing resulted in some very positive and reaffirming steps that make it clear that the judge is working to ensure that the children continue to be safe and protected.  Praise God for his provision and protection!!

Another friend, "J", is moving out of state and is seeing God work in amazing ways in her life.  She is starting a new ministry job where she has the opportunity to reach thousands in a new city, changing lives for Him in ways we can only imagine. Praise God for his divine plans for our lives!!

"K" has a micro-preemie who is thriving and growing, at home with his healthy family, and is no longer on oxygen support!  Their story is an inspiration to many fighting the same battle.  Praise God for miracles and his divine healing power!!

"L" and "M" are adopting two children from Haiti and watching God step in and overcome every obstacle that arises along the way.  Praise God for his favor and financial provisions!!

"N" has returned safely from the war in Afghanistan.  Praise God for his supernatural protection!!

"O" is pregnant and healthy after a long season of waiting.  Praise God for his perfect timing!!

I'm so glad our God is good!!

Wanted: Your prayers. REWARD!!

OK, so here's the deal. I know it's unorthodox and bordering on bribery to offer a reward for prayers, but that's exactly what I'm doing. God has placed it on my heart to start an online prayer meeting - right here, right now. I believe that prayer is powerful and alive, and that the prayers of God's people can work miracles in the lives of those being prayed for as well as those doing the praying. When I was little, my Grandma used to take me to church with her, and I will never forget the overwhelming presence of God I felt when it was prayer time. It wasn't like prayer time at my church, where the person in charge would lead the prayer as we all sat in silence, heads bowed, eyes closed. At Grandma's church, prayer was ALIVE. Everyone prayed at the same time, out loud, some softly and some very loudly, all different prayers and all different postures of worship - there were people kneeling, people with arms raised to heaven, eyes open, eyes closed, heads bowed and heads lifted, eyes filled with tears and eyes filled with joy, some closed and some open. It was wild, it was fierce, it was overwhelming, and it was powerful. Seeing prayer in that way helped me understand that there are many ways to pray and that when we sincerely lay our requests at the feet of our Lord, anything can happen.

So today, I call you to pray with me. Let's have an old-fashioned Pentecostal prayer meeting (how cool is it that we can do this online?!?). Let's gather together as one and lay these needs at His feet, asking Him to intervene and bring peace, hope, life, and health to those who need him so desperately. Your participation will earn you rewards greater than anything I can give you, but I'm throwing in a little something as well. Comment on this blog with your prayer - not a statement that you will pray or are praying, but your actual prayer - and you're entered to win a $50 gift card from Freddie Paul's. Share the link to this blog with your friends on Facebook or Twitter and tell them to mention you in their comment, and you'll earn an extra entry. As we get more prayers, I'll add more rewards to be announced when I do the random drawing tomorrow night (Saturday, 2/18) at 10pm. Here are the people I'm asking you to lift up, not identified by names but instead by letters and needs:

"A" needs prayer for patience, comfort, and strength as she cares for her husband whose Alzheimer's is worsening and making it difficult for her to care for him alone. She has multiple health issues herself and his disease is causing him to be very short-tempered, confused, and angry.

"B" just lost her 4-month-old baby to meningitis. Please pray that God will fill her with peace and comfort her broken heart as well as the hearts of her other children and fiance.

"C" and "D" are working to repair their broken marriage and their struggling financial situation. Pray that God will bless their faithfulness to their marriage and strengthen the bonds that hold them together, and that He will continue to provide for their financial needs.

"E" is in the midst of a custody battle with an abusive ex-husband. Please pray for the safety of her children and for wisdom for the judge who has to make some very tough decisions.

"F" has family members who regularly make it known that they reject Christ and his gift of salvation. Please pray with him that their hearts and minds can be opened to the joy he so desperately wants them to find.

"G" is grieving the loss of a close family member while struggling with depression, physical pain, anxiety attacks, and severe insomnia. Pray for healing in every way, physically and emotionally.

"H" was recently diagnosed with an unexplained enlarged lymph node as well as depression and is having daily tension headaches that are leading to frequent migraines. Please ask God to heal the unexplained medical issue and provide peace, strength, and joy as the depression medication begins to work.

"I" has invasive melanoma and had her second surgery today to remove it. It was deeper than they originally thought, so today's surgery also involved a skin graft. Please pray for her recovery.

Lord, today I lift each of these requests up to you. Every single one of them is for someone I love dearly, and yet I know that your love for them is greater than mine can ever be. Please bring healing, comfort, restoration, and joy to these friends who are hurting, and please also bless this prayer meeting you have called me to start. Please let those reading this post feel your presence and your power. Please break our hearts for the needs of others and lead us to surrender our own struggles into your hands. You are the One who can meet all our needs, our Provider, our Strength, our Comforter, our Everlasting Father, and we can do nothing without you. Thank you for giving us the technology to gather together even as we are in different places physically! Thank you for hearing our prayers and joining us all as one body, seeking you. We love you!

James 5:16 The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

No Longer Two

Six years ago today, I was giddy with excitement for our secret wedding. All morning at work, I giggled to myself every time someone mentioned that I was leaving at noon, knowing that they had no idea where I was really going. When I picked up the kids, they were excited too, and the drive to Tulsa was full of anticipation for all of us. KayLynn loved holding the bouquet your mom brought, Aaron loved his blue spiky hair, and Morgan loved the excitement of it all. I was so glad you didn't think it was silly for Jenn to attend by cell phone! So many preparations had led us to that day, and everything worked out just as we had planned. My heart was overflowing when we got to Aunt Virginia's to drop off the kids and she had surprised us with a cake that was a smaller version of the one she made for my mom & dad's wedding - to this day I still have never had a wedding cake that tasted as good as that one! What an amazing Friday that was!

Six years ago today, we were celebrating our wedding. Today, though, we celebrate our marriage. The good and the bad times, the highs and the lows, and the beautiful, rich relationship that has developed through it all. When I look back at the person I was, and at the person you were, and then I look at the person we are becoming together, I am overwhelmed and in awe of the sheer magnitude of God's power. Because we have chosen to let Him lead our marriage, we are no longer two - we are becoming one.

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:6-9

You truly are my other half - my partner, my friend, my lover, my spiritual leader.  What we are together is more beautiful, more wonderful, more amazing than either of us could ever be alone. I love you more today than I did six years ago, and I can't wait to see how much more I love you next year. :-)  Happy anniversary, baby!

Depression is a demon

Yesterday, a dear friend sent me a link to a sermon on depression, and I finally got a chance to listen to it today. Let me just say – thank you, Lord, for my friends!! I’ve heard sermons on depression before, and they generally aren’t helpful. While the intent is usually to convey an uplifting, encouraging “Jesus can fix it” message, they take a wrong turn somewhere and end up making it seem as if I’m only depressed because I’ve done something to screw up my closeness with God, which then leads to guilt and shame, which leads to more depression….it’s a nasty cycle. This sermon, though, was different. A few minutes in, Steven Furtick said one sentence that made all the difference in the world and brought tears to my eyes:

“Sin can cause depression, but depression doesn’t mean that you’ve necessarily sinned.”

Now, if you’ve never been depressed, OR if you’ve never sought solace in the church world for depression, this might not be a profound statement. But, for me, it was HUGE. Depression is something I’ve struggled with my whole life, and I’ve always felt guilt and shame about that struggle. Every time depression really gets a hold on me, I feel like it’s my fault – and many, many fellow believers have said things to reinforce that belief. Don’t get me wrong, none of them even realizes what’s happening, and every statement is from a place of love and meant to be encouraging, just like every sermon on depression. Unfortunately, depression is a demon that can take anything someone says to you and twist it into something ugly and discouraging. Depression can take your statement that God is bigger than my problem and turn it into an assertion that I must not trust Him enough, so if I could just have more faith, I wouldn’t feel this way. It can take your suggestions for relaxation and stress management and turn them into criticism about how I don’t manage my stress well enough and therefore, the depression is my own fault. It can take your offers to do things for me as hints that I’m not good enough to do things myself and the world would be better off without me. Depression is toxic.

Pastor Furtick went on to say that while only God can heal depression, he can use man-made tools in the process – another idea that’s completely contrary to the inherent belief that Christ-followers should have enough faith and fortitude to conquer this demon within themselves. I’ve realized for a while now that medical intervention is probably something I need to consider; I’ve been depressed enough in my life to realize that I’m past the point where I can just suck it up and fake my way out. But there are obstacles standing n the way of that, and that sneaky demon has convinced me that those obstacles are signs that I just don’t have enough faith, or I just don’t pray enough, or I just don’t spend enough time in the Word, or that I’m not quite depressed enough to seek help, or that it’s my own fault I’m at this point and I don’t deserve help to get out. I need to stop believing that lie, and I need to use every tool available to fight off this toxicity. So, yet again, I’m asking for your help. Pray, please, that God will give me the courage to push through those obstacles, and the means to get the help I need.

The faithful love of the LORD never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23

To listen to the sermon “Depression: A New 24" from the "Treatment" series: http://elevat.io/n/trea2

It took me 13 years to learn this...

My KayLynn!! How time has flown by since you made your grand entrance 13 years ago!  As I sat at my computer writing my happy birthday message to you on Facebook this morning, I had a revelation that was WAY too long for that status update, so I decided to give you a birthday blog post to share it with you. :-)

I know we tell you a lot that you are slow, and I know your natural tendency is to be late all the time.  Did you know that's how you've been all your life?  You were born over a week late (and I was very frustrated that you were taking so long).  You walked late, talked late, gave up your bottle late...it's just a part of who you are, and in spite of all the 'late' milestones, you are so smart, beautiful, and perfectly healthy.

So maybe being 'late' or 'slow' doesn't really matter as much as I thought it did.  Sure, when you take forever to finish your chores, or your homework, or whatever, I get frustrated - but I also get frustrated with God when He takes forever to answer my prayers, or is 'late' with a blessing, or seems to be ignoring me altogether. And if his timing is perfect.........that means mine isn't.  BOOM!! God made you different for a reason.  God made you exactly the way he wants you to be, and I believe he made you 'late' to help me to be patient and wait on Him, even when I think He's not moving fast enough.  I'm so glad he chose to give you to me!

My girl, you are amazing.  Being your mom has been such a blessing, and I pray that I can honor you, just the way God made you, while teaching you how to use your own special talents for His glory.  I pray that I can help you become the woman God wants you to be.  I know He has great plans for you, and I can't wait to find out what He does as you continue to grow.

Happy birthday, KayLynn Marie!!!

Every time I think of you

Well, it's been almost a week since I admitted to the world that I'm struggling, and the outpouring of support I've received has been amazing.  Your prayers, love, and words of encouragement are rejuvenating my spirit, and I can feel your prayers fighting the darkness that's trying to choke out my hope. In the past week, I've had some very low and hopeless days and hours, but I've also had some laughter and moments of positive emotion. I wish I could say that because of you, I'm all better, but that's just not what God has in mind, I guess.

So please, keep praying, and keep talking me through this. Pray that Cory can find the job that we know God has out there for him so that some of our stress can be alleviated, pray that he and the kids will feel God's love in the midst of all this, and pray that Holy Spirit can step in and allow me to be the mom and wife I need to be in spite of my inner turmoil. Pray that God will provide for our needs financially and give us strength to manage the resources he has given us in ways that will bring glory to Him.  And as you're praying, know that I'm praying, too, that you will know just how much each and every one of your prayers means to me.

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Philippians 1:3

So that his power may rest on me...

For several months now, I've been depressed. And I don't say that lightly - I'm not just sad, or overwhelmed, or stressed, I'm flailing in the throes of a full-blown depression. And lately it seems to be obvious to those who know me well. I'm trying to fight it (and some days I'm much more successful than others), but most days, I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. It's such a strange and unsettling feeling to wake up every day and have to convince myself to actually crawl out of bed and live my life. I spend 10 minutes every single morning in a half-asleep conversation with God, asking him to remind me that I am loved, I am needed, and my life does matter, to give me strength to get through the day, and to help me find moments of joy to defeat the overwhelming hopelessness I feel.

So why am I putting this on my blog for the whole world to see? Because today is a 'good' day, and it's the first one I've had in at least a week. Today, I actually feel those moments of joy, and today, I believe that there are people in my little world who are glad I'm here. Today, my faith is stronger than my fears, and my God is compelling me to share. He's reminding me that although I am unworthy and imperfect, I'm not unloved and not alone. So today, I'm stepping out in faith. Today, I'm fighting the fear that admitting my struggles will make me seem weak or prompt others to take away the things that are most dear to me, and I'm trusting that my God's power is made perfect in my weakness. Today, I'm refusing to pretend that everything's fine, because I know that tomorrow, I may not have the strength to admit that I'm struggling. Will you pray for me?

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9